Leaving The Ones Who Are Hurting You
Many people are terrified of leaving their comfort zones that even if they are in a painful relationship, they would choose to stay. However, you might be one of those who already found reasons to leave, but just do not know how to finally let go of those who do you wrong.
There are many suggestions on how to leave a painful relationship, but what experts don’t tell you is that doing so requires radical moves. There are only three things to do.
- Don’t think; just leave. The reason you still are in a painful relationship is probably because you reflect too much. You think of what will happen to you if you resign or if you leave your partner. Worse, you are probably even reflecting on what will happen to the people you will leave behind. Too much rumination only prolongs the agony and delays the inevitable. Just act and leave; don’t look back for any reason.
As John Green, the author of Paper Towns, said, “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
- Disconnect. After leaving, you might feel the urge to reach out, or you might respond to any summon from whoever it is that you left. This only leads to guilt, which often ends up with you going back to the painful relationship. Just completely detach from anyone involved in your hurtful experience even if it means deleting all contact information of these people entirely or unfriending them in your social networks. Any reminder of your past is only going to make moving on more difficult because you will just keep thinking of ‘what ifs.’
Remember “Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached.” ― Simone Weil
- Stay busy. Idleness will make you think of crazy ideas like reaching out again to those whom you left. If you do this, then you defeat the purpose of disconnecting. Keep in mind that these are people who did your wrong, and it is high time to let go of them. Take up a hobby, hang out with new friends, get a pet, just find anything that will take your mind off the painful relationship you had.
As Lee Iacocca, former Ford executive, said, “In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”
These may seem drastic measures that are difficult to do, but no one said leaving is easy. Separations are always agonizing, but sometimes it must be done in order for you to regain your freedom, your dignity, and your life.
If guilt bugs start crawling in in your head, just try to remember that painful relationships have been found to have caused a significant portion of the World Health Organization’s estimated 350 million depressed people around the globe, and it has led to cases of suicide.
Save yourself from the misery of depression; know how to finally let go of those who do you wrong.